Past presence future

At noon..
Just called the registration office for the hostel and each of their answer for my application did broke me well.

Whilst still wondering, why I am getting worried for the upcoming news and being frustrated at this time, still I am worrying. I just can't get rid of it.
The feeling.

.....................
Dear self,
Please,
Please keep praying and see the goods in neither any nor everything.
What you have been worrying is still can be made in lot of time.
For this presence, please enjoy and don't get easily whimper and frustrate for uncertain things.
You had did so well.
He knows you.
He understand you.
Whenever and whoever even don't.
Put your trust.
And
Cheer the moment.
*feeling better*hope so..☁

Erti hidup

This time, it will be a sharing inspired by hlovate's color. The color that drew 'contengan jalanan'.

From it, I realised that I just begin my own life, after all ..after these past 22 years and now on, I don't feel it the same. I learnt a lot from this piece and still in the progress on how to turn it out well. I don't know if there is just me that get over all my feeling throughout this, but what can I tell is, it is an inspiration.

I learnt that, dare to dream. Well, it is not even a crime. Laugh mine, and I don't even get annoyed. I will not care just because I will stick to mine. Being a dreamer just can make me forget the presence of mine. So much dream to write, to learn, to walk a new path, to travel, to hike, to fly and get close to the sky.

But
It also taught me dare to fail. Fail on being emotional, fail to bring myself together.
Just remember a thing.
How many times you fail? Don't dare to count.
But
If you fail for the second time, don't afraid to lose again for the third attempt.
Because you can. You can put yourself to walk over again after your first trial, yet you fail on your second try. Keep trying and keep failing.
You are learning.
Be positive and just then you will find that it is beautiful.
Your flaws are just crime of arts.
Just learn and be better.
You will not be a perfect one but you will be a great learner.
Learn by self.
And just then,
You also just show to inspire others.

Adik

So,this is a story.
Story of lil brother whom thought me much as I can see but others don't see.

Today, is the appreciation day at his school and when he did informed ummi and Abah about this, he just said that
'Majlis biasa saja,kalau ummi Abah tak pergi pon okay.lagipun, dapat anugerah biasa2 saja.'

Maybe,the word seems normal but not to me. Then, he came to me and said ' adik malu kalau ummi Abah pergi sebab ni pertama kali adik naik pentas, adik bukan macam kakak abang atau acik. Kalau kakak je yang pergi, boleh?. Kalau adik dapat anugerah hebat2 baru ummi Abah boleh pergi.'
.......................................................................
About him, he had make me to have matured thought.
For even a small thing you achieved, I am always proud of you.

My venus

Dear my Venus..
Yes,you.

I had a friend whom I thought that we had not really closed enough but we often got same things strangled up together.

When we caught on something which really gave changes in our life once( I thought you know what I meant), for me it was kinda enjoyable. Maybe there were some bad perception from the others on what we got to face on that time, but believe me, I enjoyed that.

Now, tell me that I am crazy for being happy to fail. Yes, I was happy and still happy till now. There was because we're doing great things that time. I meant we had laughed, sharing thoughts and cried for something that we had never done before and I was glad to enjoy that with you.
.......................................................................
When she wrote something to me in her own life updates, it really kind of hurt me emotionally when she stated that there was a friend and now maybe a far distant one, she became.

I still remember you.
Your smile,
Your face,
Your excitement,
Your pain,
Your joy,
I had seen them, once.
But
Believe me,
You are always on my cable points. The points in my pray.
You are always in my life updates, well don't worry cause I'm not an eerie stalker.
I'm just a friend who still care for you,
From a distance.

Me love u.
Mun.
Thanks for the dedication.

Over thinking

I just don't know if being over thinking on something just had been so wrong but I just knew I once was and forever will be.

Then,if someone can help me out, please share on some ways to discard this kind of matter. Sometimes, it really does hit me hard till I just can't have enough sleep and wondering all night.

I don't know because it just had been.
Sue me.

Limit

For all these things that had been happened to us,
They were never crossing the limits,
Coz what happened to us, were His plan.

La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha

So,how hard you think the things that came into your life,
Don't underrated them,
They cost thousand meanings to you,
But,
They depend,
On the one that try to give a thought bout them,
Be good to his plan,

Why has to believe

I am always wondering on how much important to believe in self.
Till I think that don't be too much in pressuring and lies on expectation.
But now,
The most important thing that I want to do is to believe in me.

Hasbunallah, wa ni'mal wakil.
Ni'mal maula, wani'mannasir.

*__*

Being in hope is painful.
The feeling which can't even tell.
When the things don't feel alright.
And then here you are.
Hope for something again.

Just live well.
As you can be.

FIx

When things just don't seem to be in your accordance, do remember they don't always dancing to your rhythm.

Be you and keep moving.
Seem easy to say,
Though hard to try.

Just let it be,
Coz its not gonna be changed.
Dip your feet,
Give a feel,
You wont know,
The bitterness don't always give a damn sense.

Fix you,
The one the one that need to be fixed.
Coz you know want do you wanna be.

value

How much friendship valued you, though?
How much do trust really pay you?
How much suffer do you gain to love?

Treat others the ways you want to be treated.

Life is a journey. Being alive is a chance.
Coz you do when some don't.
Appreciating.
Simply yet meaningful.
Coz we often know how hard it is just when it left, and never come back.
We won't know till its gone.

Be the one who always care even the others don't.
Don't be the one that want to be appreciated.
But, do appreciate.

Fluttered

For every single thing in each leapt of second, there's so much meaning behind. Turn the page one by one and take a moment to slow down your reading. U're reading your chapter, but do not go too hasty. Things often shown when we're slowing down.

Do reflect.

self spectrum

Make yourself visible to you.

There were times, whenever hurt you.
There were times, whenever joyful to you.
You're leaving yourself for all the bad times you had,
Blaming her for what she did and didn't to you.

Bad things occur when we hope for something good,
and sometimes, we just don't want it to happen again,
We had the least try,
and then the good never comes.

You are your best,
Be visible to yourself,
Try hard than anyone else,
'cause you are just visible to yourself.
The one that knows you, is you.

^_^

Annoying creatures who always looks for perfection, sometimes live like saints than thinking living like sinner. It is because we are human, which the thing we mostly did is being kufur and forgetful.

Nice word, for me and you. For us, the beings,
Whatever you do, whatever you did,
Never give up on your 'solat'.
How bad you are, how bad you were,
He never judge you in the past,

Keep walking in your pace,
Upgrading yourself.

Just found this beauty,

                                        'jika belum pernah solat, solat.
                                        'jika solat cukup 5 waktu, usaha untuk solat di awal waktu.
                                        'jika sentiasa solat di awal waktu, usaha untuk lazimi solat berjemaah

We're living with a concept,
To be a better us,
But still,
The days won't be too smooth as we wish.

its because the failure in life is the beginning for a success,
and while success greets us,
It comes as a test.
Live your life to the fullest.
I am not saying let us to be perfect,
I am asking for us to never stop doing goods and stop blaming ourselves for the bad days that we had.

^_____^

This random thought just crossed my mind as soon getting into ted talks on be in solitude. Well, great talks which exposing how being an introvert is a crime. That's not what I'm saying though, as that what're the people said.Nope, they did.

 Being silent will give the others an outlook of feeling they were being ignorance while never thinking to get into their shoes. Well, people judged.

The truth is there no such thing for people to be labeled as an either introvert, extrovert or ambivert. We're human with different unique ways of thinking and react with surroundings. We're lying on different spectrum of traits. And that's because we're human.

So, whoever you are, accept the others well. Treat people likely much how you want to get treated.

gagal dan mungkin bukan

Sujud lama dan luahkan.
Tenang.

Sem2
Tahun 2.

Taknak tangguh apa pon, dan terus repeat untuk kali ke 2
dan aku janji untuk kali terakhir.

Kali ni,
Aku sorang.
Sorang sorang.

Tapi ada satu benda yang aku dapat dari segala apa yang jadi kat aku sepanjang repeat paper kali ni.
Aku ada rasa kuat
Rasa kuat yang tak sama macam dulu.
Rasa yang aku sorang je tahu.


Buat pertama kali,
aku bersyukur aku repeat.
Alhamdulillah.

dan
Alhamdulillah Allah tahu yang terbaik.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Skrol fon, cek result.
Alhamdulillah.

First thought, jangan ulang salah yang di buat dulu,
Jangan letak rasa kuat dan percaya pada manusia lebih pada kau letak pada tuhan.

When everything that you planned, has not been so well,
Don't act dumb,
You still have the One that you can trust when no one else will.
Put your trust to Allah
and yourself.

When you are tipping in the end of the edge,
The hope is still there,
Whether you want to stand still
or stay away.

Give yourself a little courage,
First step is always the hardest,
Believe and try,
You are the one that lead your life,
Others were not,

Stay in positive vibes,
See the goods in bad,
You may find the colour in the end of your life.
Live the life you won't regret.

Whatever it takes,
Keep believe in yourself,
Chin up and Moving forward,
You are what you deserve.

Berkat itu penting, jangan pandang sebelah mata.
For every single breath,
May Allah bless.

gagal

Apa perasaan kau pada Tuhan.
Semalam,
Hari ni..
Bertambah atau berkurang atau masih sama.

Bila Allah uji, apa kau buat
Muhasabah atau mencari salah?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cuma ingin berkongsi sedikit rasa dari hati
Dengan apa yang pernah Allah uji.

I got fail for two times,
For the same paper during my last degree,

The first one.

Skrol result di skrin laptop.
F
Tak percaya, refresh web page semula.
Log out and log in.
Sama, tak berubah.

Apa yang aku fikir untuk the very first thought?
Aku cari kawan
Yang aku rasa aku boleh nak luahkan perasaan aku masa tu.
Tapi aku tak boleh nak surpress semua benda yang aku rasa dengan result aku.

Umi abah still boleh terima sebab diorang tahu..
Aku macam mana.
Sucked in maths dari dulu.
Dan aku teruskan mcm biasa.
Repeat paper,
Dan buat rutin yg student repeat kelas buat.

Masa ni, sungguh aku rasa kuat sebab aku ada kawan2 yang ada amek paper ni sekali dengan aku.
Tu je.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Sem 1,
Tahun 2.

Skrol laptop, check result.
F
Again?
Refresh web page.
Ya, tetap sama.
Gagal lagi.

Tapi kali ni rasa dia dah x sama macam gagal kali pertama.
Dan betapa teruknya masa tu,
I cried all out macam orang xde tuhan.
Kept asking
kenapa aku je, kenapa orang lain yang repeat sekali dengan aku boleh pass
kenapa nak uji aku lagi.

And
i remain like that for the whole morning
pandang dinding
rasa kosong

Istighfar
tahu bila Allah mula rindu kau?
Bila DIA uji kau.

Flashback.
Masa aku diuji dulu, siapa yang aku cari?
Siapa yang jadi tempat aku mengadu?
Apa yang aku fikir untuk the very first thought, bila Allah gagalkan aku?

aku tak cari DIA pon.
Untuk the very first step aku nak usaha.
Aku letak kekuatan aku
Kat manusia
Bukan pada Allah.
Tapi sepanjang aku repeat kali pertama dulu,
DIA tak pernah tinggal aku.

DIA hadirkan aku,
wakilkan aku,
Orang yang aku bersandar bahu yang sentiasa ada untuk sokong aku.

Tersedar.
Berdosa.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kau dan tanggungjawab

Masa kecik, tengok orang balik sekolah, kita pon terkedek- kedek tak sabar nak pergi sekolah. Da dapat masuk sekolah pulak, da ada rasa malas sebab kena bngun awal pagi, pukul 7 da nak kene pegi sekolah dah haha.

Duk sekolah rendah, tengok student sekolah mngh balik sklh, tgok mcm best je bila da besar. Pastu ada rasa x sabar nak pegi sekolah mngh pulak. Da masuk sekolah mngh,,cikgu2 memang akan selalu cer pasal betapa bestnya alam uni.

Da masuk alam uni. Macam x seindah yang disangka pula..haha. Sape rasa alam uni awal-awal tu mmg x best wehh tapi x best bila masuk bab kuiz mengejut, fail paper haha.macam tu jela. Tapi serious talk...alam uni paling best. Alam uni yang paling akan diingat smpai bila2. Dengan kgkawan uni jugakla ko bljr kenal manusia yang macam2.

(* masa taip ni tgh intern, so asyik keje mengenang zaman masuk kelas, kejar bas kejar due assignment, due tesis hahah).

As time passes by, satu per satu benda kita dah lalui. Daripada takot nak amek exam, smpai da selamat exam dan dpt result dah pon, Alhamdulillah😂

Da nak habes belajar ada satu rasa,
Rasa yang da habes tanggungjawab sbg pelajar. Tapi sedar x sedar, sebenarnya tanggungjawab x pernah habes. Kalau bab belajar, yep..semakin banyak kau belajar semakin banyak benda yang kau rasa makin kau xtau dan kau kena tahu.


There is substitution in responsibility. It does not simply settle down yet.
Kau rasa tanggungjawab jadi student dah habes,,but then tanggungjawab kau diganti dengan title sbg pekerja,,ada rezeki InsyaAllah tanggungjawab sebagai majikan.
InsyaAllah ada rezeki lagi, kau dpt galas tanggungjawab jadi suami/isteri,,dapat anak kau jadi ibu/ayah.

One thing untuk kita sentiasa ingat.
Never let your guard down. Don't be off guard.

Tanggungjawab kita selamanya sebagai Hamba Allah sampai ke mati kita pegang.
Tanggungjawab kita dengan ibu ayah sampai bila2 x kan selesai.
Walaupun title tanggungjwb kau da berganti.

Ingat,
Tanggungjawab berganti, Bukan selesai dan hilang

Sempurna

Bila sebut tentang sempurna, apa first impression kita? kaya, cantik, pandai...semuanya yang baik-baik.Yang positif sje. Agak jarang kalau jumpa yang kata tengah dapat masalah,,tetiba rasa hidup dia sempurna.

Ya.
Hidup memang tak sempurna.
Tak sempurna sebab kita terlalu obses akan kesempurnaan.
Tak sedar, terlalu ralit
Mencari ketidaksempurnaan dalam sesuatu yang sememangnya sudah sempurna.

Tuhan itu adil. Allah Maha Adil
Cuma manusia itu, kadang kadang..
Bukan kadang- kadang, selalu saja
Cepat menghukum takdir tuhan
Merasa diri tidak sebahagia yang lain.

Kerana apa?
Kerana terlalu memandang yang lebih, yang atas, yang tinggi
sempurna mereka di mata manusia
Tidak sedar, alpa
Dengan dari mana datang asal usulnya.

Cuma kata-kata untuk tarbiah hati
Yang juga tidak kurang dari mereka
Yang sentiasa mencari sempurna

Hidup itu adakalanya seperti teka silangkata
Kita asyik mencari abjad untuk lengkapi frasa
Frasa yang terbit dari kotak hati
Terlalu fokus pada apa yang ingin kita beri
Pada teka silangkata itu.

Padahal,
Dengan abjad yang ada,
Frasa lain boleh kita ubah,
Dan lengkapi dengan abjad yang ada.

Jadikan masalah itu bukan penghalang untuk kita. Ketidaksempurnaan bukanlah sebegitu cacat untuk hadir dalam hidup kita. Bersyukur, mohon Allah kuatkan hati,mohon Allah berkati tiap usia yang ada, untuk kita terus mengucap syukur atas apa yang Allah beri.

Semoga Allah memberkati usaha kita dalam mensyukuri apa jua yang Allah bagi. Dan dengan itu, InsyaALLAH jangan pernah sangsi dengan rezeki.

Jangan mencari sempurna. Ia tidak akan pernah ketemu.
Cari sempurna itu kepada Allah dan tambah kan perasaan mu dengan Allah.
Sesungguhnya Allah pemegang hati kita.

For every single breath, may Allah bless.
Live well.

ibrah di bumi tuhan

Secebis pengalaman setakat ini, sepanjang tempoh praktikal di jabatan radiologi sebuah hospital sedikit sebanyak membuat aku berfikir untuk mencedok sedikit sebanyak ibrah yang tuhan tunjukkan kepada aku.

Walaupun bukan pelajar kedoktoran, tetapi lebih kepada asas segala sains, apa lagi jika bukan fizik. Ibrah tuhan itu di mana-mana. Jika tidak mana mungkin Allah menjadikan manusia itu berakal dan rugi bagi kita jika tidak pernah terdetik untuk panjangkan sedikit akal fikiran untuk mengintai di mana Allah ingin tunjukkan pengajaran itu kepada kita.

Setiap hari menyelak insiden atau situasi di ruang jabatan, bila terpandang bukan saja yang lanjut usia malah juga bayi yang masih merah tapi sungguh Allah itu sangat menyayangi hambaNya. Pernah satu ketika, dengan bersahaja cuba berbual dengan seorang isteri yang sangat setia dengan suaminya. Meski sudah 30 tahun usia bahtera, namun tidak dikurniakan anak. Tapi, sungguh utuh cinta suami dan sungguh beruntung sang isteri.

Seorang reamaja belasan tahun, di kala muda dikesan mempunyai cyst atau ketumbuhan di bahagian ovari. Manakala kita Alhamdulillah Allah berikan nikmat sihat di kala umur seperti itu. Nikmat apa lagi yang kamu dustakan?

Sungguh, hanya satu sebenarnya.

Ssesungguhnya, jangan pernah merungut apabila diuji dengan sedikit kesakitan, apalagi jika hanya suhu badan tidak normal. Selain kamu, masih ada yang lagi derita dari itu. Jangan pernah salahkan takdir, kerana takdir itu boleh diubah dengan doa. Jangan sombong untuk terus berdoa. Allah sangat menunggu usaha daripada kita kerana usaha itu lagi bernilai dari hasilnya.

kenapa tak sama

kenapa tak sama,,depan lain belakang lain. Hipokrit ke?

Well, hypocrite itself is subjective. No one can define it well.

 Kita boleh nak definisikan sendiri perkataan hipokrit tu macam tak jujur dengan diri sendiri, pura-pura sebab kita nak jaga imej atau identiti kita. But as well for me, we can be whoever or whatever we want to be. Being hypocrite is not even a crime, as all things happen because of a reason, right?

one can change, and if they happen to change to someone else, it is not because they are hypocrite. They are trying to fitting into situation and for us, don't be judgmental. yes, you can judge, but you not deserve to blame others for what they are changing into.

Human's life is simple. Do accepting others. We may think indifferently but let us try to accept and support what all of us want to be ( as long as it mean no harm, of course😄 ).

yaumul jum'ah,
al-kahfi jangan lupa,😍

live well, may Allah bless us